The Fire Inside
by MandyJai13
Summary: After Katniss is out of the arena she makes a huge revelation about the person she wants to be with, Not Peeta or Gale, but Haymitch. Will she act on her new feelings or suffer in silence? A fluffy and smutty Hayniss (Katniss/Haymitch) one-shot.


**A smutty/fluffy little one-shot that popped into my head. If enough people like this I might to a sequel. **

**All characters and some of the dialogue belongs to Suzanne Collins. Storyline belongs to me. **

* * *

**The Fire Inside**  
**One Shot**

I turn and see them all waiting in a big chamber at the end of the hall — Effie, Haymitch, and Cinna. My feet take off without hesitation. Maybe a victor should show more restraint, more superiority, especially when I know this will be on tape, but I don't care.

I run for them and surprise even myself when I launch into Haymitch's arms_._ He doesn't hesitate when he wraps me up, holding me tightly. It's funny, because before this moment I'd never realized that it was him I'd missed the most—Haymitch, my mentor, my guardian, the man who'd kept me alive, kept Peeta alive. My heart swells with emotion and I clutch him tighter.

Then he is whispering in my ear.

"Great job, sweetheart."

It doesn't sound snide or sarcastic, it sounds relieved and maybe even hopeful. Suddenly his nickname for me seems more like an endearment.

Hearing his voice, feeling his sturdy arms around me does something to me that I cannot explain; it takes hold of me, sparks something inside me. I refuse to let go and his embrace washes away all of the things that have been bubbling up inside of me since the reaping.

A long time passes, seconds, minutes , I'm not even sure because I'm lost in his arms. We only break apart when Effie clears her throat dramatically, clearly uncomfortable. I look down for a few seconds before I meet Haymitch's eyes. For the first time I see a glimmer of life in the deep grey orbs, that are not unlike my own.

I don't have time to appreciate them properly before Effie is pulling me into a hug, telling me about everything that happened while I was in the arena. She releases me and Cinna takes me in his arms but doesn't say anything.

When I pull back I notice Portia is missing and quickly fear the worst, Haymitch must see my expression change because he puts his arm around my shoulders before speaking.

"Don't worry sweetheart, he's fine. They just want to do your reunion live on air at the ceremony,"

I nod but don't say anything because I don't know how to feel. I am happy Peeta is okay, that he is alive, but my emotions are so mixed up, especially now with Haymitch's arm around me. My mind begins to race as I try to collect my thoughts. Momentarily I even forget about Gale, but then I see his face flash in my mind. Peeta, Gale, Haymitch. Peeta, Gale, Haymitch. Peeta, Gale, Haymitch.

Suddenly I'm short on breath and I need to have a moment alone.

"I need some air…" I say, my voice hoarse.

Effie frowns, but before she can comment Cinna is telling me to go a top the training center for a few minutes before I meet with the prep team to get ready.

"Thank you."

He nods, and Haymitch pulls me in for one last hug before I dash off towards the roof top.

* * *

When I finally make it to the top I collapse in the middle of the terrace breathing hard. I burry my face in my hands, but surprisingly no tears come. Instead I close my eyes and take deep, calming breaths. For the first time in weeks I let myself imagine a future, a future in district 12 surrounded by the people I love.

My mother and Prim, tiny Prim who relies on me for everything, my frail mother who I hope has gained some strength and courage in my absence.

Gale, my friend and confidant, my hunting partner, somehow when I picture him now, he is different. I guess it's because we've been through so much together, he knew everything about me, but now, after the games, he won't know me at all. I also find the thought of Gale a little frightening, because I do not know what his reaction will be to seeing Peeta and I. In all the years I've spent with him I've never considered him as more than my friend, even now I cannot think of him in any other way… but what if he sees me as more?

I sigh because this thought brings me to Peeta. The boy with the bread. The boy I survived the games with, the boy I'm supposed to be in love with. But that's not the truth. Sitting here on the dimly lit rooftop I know that my feelings for Peeta are strong, I may even love him, but breathing in the crisp, cool air I know that I am not in love with him.

How this realization makes my heart ache, not because I want to be in love with him, but because I can't stand to know that I will break him, probably more than the games ever did.

A single tear falls but I do not wipe it away, instead I let it fall into my lap before I pull my knees up to my chest.

Again I try to steady myself as I breathe deeply. A few moments pass before I let myself resume my train of thought.

Prim, my mother, Gale, Peeta and of course Haymitch. Do I love him too? Like I love the others?

The man who made it possible to survive in the arena, the very same one I thought was nothing but a drunk until I was pushed into his shoes. Surviving the games is something the other victors don't talk about, you never hear the truth, that living as a victor is much worse than dying in the arena. And Haymitch has lived this life, year after year, watching his tributes die, living alone with painful memories, just a clever boy from the seam who had everything taken away from him.

My heart aches for Haymitch, for all he has been through. But that isn't the only thing my heart does. When I think back to just minutes ago when I was reunited with him, when I flew into his arms, the way he called me 'sweetheart', it makes my heart do a strange little jump.

I sit there, still and silent for another long minute, pondering over it all. Eventually realization starts to sink in, and it should frighten me, should make me want to run away, but it doesn't.

I quickly jump to my feet and scurry into the elevator, anxious to get tonight over with, to get back home, to get on with my life, because even though I've been the capital's pawn I won't let them take away the one thing I have left. I will not be a part of their games anymore.

* * *

When the elevator doors open, Venia, Flavius, and Octavia engulf me and I try my best to look pleased. In moments they've whisked me into the dining room and are offering me a meal. About time, I think grumpily, before digging in.

When I'm finished the prep team gets me ready until Cinna appears with a light yellow dress.

Cinna helps me dress and at first I'm confused because he makes me look quite girlish. This frustrates me, after all I've been through, after all I've done and I'm made to look like a child.

I want to stomp my foot and throw a fit but I don't object, I just grit my teeth because the less I argue the quicker it will all be over.

When the prep team and Cinna are finished with me we take the elevator down several floors to the place where the broadcast will be held. I'm ushered under the stage into a small, dank room with a silver platform. I try to steady my breathing because I'm shaking like crazy.

My hands smooth down the fabric of my dress as I try to sort out the thoughts in my head. Right now I try to push everything else aside because I know that for tonight I have to be madly in love with Peeta.

In the distance I hear the cheering crowd, and it consumes my senses until I feel a strong hand on my shoulder. My first instinct is to run but when the fingers squeeze gently and I smell the familiar combination of white liquor and woods— I know it is Haymitch.

I turn around to face him, trying hard to hide my nerves, he just smiles at me. Instantly my previous thoughts are wiped clean.

"Wow. Looks like Cinna's done it again, don't you think?" Haymitch says.

I nod and smile a little sheepishly.

Haymitch's eyes stay fixed on me for a long while before he shifts them around my musty holding space, and he seems to make a decision. "How about a hug for luck?"

At first it seems a strange request but then he is moving towards me and I want nothing more than for him to wrap me up in his arms. I put my arms around him and rest my head on his chest, he hold me close, too close to be considered appropriate, but I don't mind.

I lose myself in him for a moment until I feel his breath on my ear.

"Listen up. You're in trouble. Word is the Capitol's furious about you showing them up in the arena. The one thing they can't stand is being laughed at and they're the joke of Panem," he says in a quiet, hurried voice.

All happiness drains from me because I understand what he is saying. By pulling out those berries, by refusing to accept the rules I have openly defied the Capital and now I am in danger.

The thought terrifies me because now I have to pretend to be in love with Peeta, not just to please the people of the capital but to save my life. I know I must go out there and pretend that I want nothing more than to spend forever with him and I don't know if I can do it.

Panic rises in my throat and before I have time to think I cup Haymitch's cheeks and place my lips against his. At first he doesn't respond but when I start to mold my lips to his he kisses me back.

His lips are perfect, not too soft like Peeta's or too rough like I imagine Gale's would be. Instead they are firm yet tender, kissing me back with so much raw emotion that I can hardly stand it.

His hands move from my back to my waist and he pulls me closer to him. When I feel his warm tongue on my lips I open my mouth a little more to allow him access, which I'd never done with Peeta because until this moment it had never felt right.

We continue the kiss for a few more long seconds, relishing in the feel of each other before we break away.

I expect Haymitch to be furious or upset, to tell me I'm just a little girl or that he is my mentor and it's wrong, or worst of all that he won't because of Peeta. But he does none of this. Instead he hugs me again.

This time it's me who whispers in his ear.

"Haymitch… I..." Before I can finish my sentence he cuts me off.

"Shhh... Don't say it." He squeezes me tighter and kisses my forehead before stepping away.

"Katniss listen to me, we can get through this and then in no time we will be home. But for right now I need you to convince me that you are in love with that boy, convince the gamemakers, convince all of Panem and when we get home I promise we'll figure this out."

I nod quickly before speaking.

"Does Peeta know?"

Haymitch shakes his head.

"No. He doesn't know. Not about the gamemakers and most certainly not about this."

He gestures between the two of us and I feel my cheeks warm up.

"Katniss that boy loves you, but more than anything he just wants you to be safe and happy. Go out there and play your part, when it's time he will understand."

I nod my head again before stepping closer to him. He leans down and I push myself onto my tip-toes to plant a kiss on his lips.

* * *

The next day when we are on the train home I feel myself relax for the first time in what feels like forever. The interviews went amazingly, there isn't a soul out there who would doubt our love, I have fooled them all. At least I'm hoping that I've fooled them all.

I move from my bed to the window and stare out of it watching as the districts fly past, nothing more than a blur. As I watch from the safety of the train I let my mind wander again, let myself indulge in the idea that I may actually get to have a life outside the games, a life, not with Peeta but with Haymitch. A seed of doubt creeps into my mind though because I do not know how Haymitch really feels, maybe the kiss was simply to reassure me. I sigh.

As I try to piece together what I'm going to do about Haymitch, and Peeta and Gale another feeling starts nagging at me. A fear of everything I might become at being the Capital's plaything, look what it did to Haymitch, and the others I saw during our week before the games! I've seen the truth now, victors are the true fatalities of the hunger games and I may be the worst of all because I'm not just a survivor, but because I out-played the gamemakers, and the Capital.

I'm ripped out of my dreadful thoughts when I hear a knock at my door. Cautiously I open it, expecting to see Effie or Peeta, but instead I see Haymitch. Haymitch with his deep grey eyes and soft muscular physique, with his soft lips and strong hands.

I know I'm staring but I can't seem to make myself stop, until I hear him chuckle.

"Admiring the view sweetheart?" he says in a playful voice.

I contemplate what I'm going to say, but before I say anything at all he pushes me further into the bedroom and shuts the door before he speaks again, this time more serious.

"You did great, the people in the capital love you, Panem loves you and I even think the game makers love you. But I need you to remember that it doesn't end here. You have to keep this up in front of the cameras, now and every time you are around them because they will be watching…"

He trails off but I nod, because I know he is right. There is a long pause before I finally ask the question I've been dying to since the reaping.

"Haymitch, I want to know, what happened the year you won the games? I know there is more to the story, you didn't just win the games and turn to liquor, I can see it in your eyes… Please…"

My voice breaks because when the words come out I know they are true. Sure most of the victors suffer, most of them are never the same, morphling, alcohol, partying in the capital, but Haymitch is different. And I know this because when I look into his eyes I see the same pain as when I look at my own reflection in the mirror.

Haymitch is looking at the ground now but when I reach out and take his hands he lifts his head and sighs.

"Katniss, when I was in the games, I was like you. Just a kid from the seam, and although I was bigger and more arrogant than you, I was clever. Too clever. Just like you. Long story short, I out-smarted the Capital; I won because I showed them up, just like you did. Before I even made it home everyone I loved was dead, my mother, my brother and my girl, all gone. After that I was a wreck. What's worse is that they still tried to sell me, well my body, the way other tributes have been, too bad for them 'cause I didn't have anything else left to lose."

I see the pain in his eyes and it breaks my heart. I pull him into an embrace, holding him close. He rests his chin on my shoulder and I hug him tighter.

"I'm scared for Peeta, for your family and district 12, even for myself, but I'm mostly scared for you."

He says the words in a hushed voice, not because he doesn't want to be overheard, but because he, like me, doesn't like to talk about his feelings.

"We will find a way to make it, if it's the last thing I do. I will fight Haymitch, because I won't lose them, I won't lose you."

I feel a tear fall down my cheek, fury building inside me at the Capital; I refuse to let them win. I will not watch anyone else I love die.

Haymitch pulls away after a few minutes and wipes my eyes.

"Just don't forget that we are always going to be playing their game, one false step and it's all over. And Katniss? You aren't the only one who is willing to fight, I won't lose anyone else I love."

It takes me a few seconds to process Haymitch's words, I stand motionless, completely in shock. Did he really just say… He couldn't mean me, could he? As I stand frozen, internally arguing with myself Haymitch moves closer.

"Love? Haymitch, do you love me?"

I feel the words tumble out un-gracefully, cockily, but either way there they are.

He smirks at this but leans in until our lips are inches apart.

"Sweetheart, of course I love you. How could I not?"

Before I can respond his lips are on mine again, but this time there is no hesitation. Our lips mold together our bodies press into each other. I feel white hot fire bloom deep inside of me as his tongue traces mine and his strong hands hold me tightly.

I feel like I'm being lifted into the air, suspended weightlessly ad Haymitch kisses me with such love any emotion.

Suddenly I'm overcome with desire for him, he must feel it too because when I left my legs up and tangle them around his hips, he grips onto my backside, squeezing firmly.

White hot fire flows inside me and settles in my core as we continue our heated kiss. Haymitch's tongue is wet and hot and demanding, it should upset me, but it only spurs me on.

I push my tongue deeper into his mouth, exploring every inch of him. Slowly I unlock my arms from around his neck and slide a trembling hand down to unbutton his shirt.

Haymitch pulls away completely breathless as his eyes lock with mine.

"Are you sure sweetheart? Is this what you want?"

Without hesitation I answer him.

"I want this, more than anything."

His lips curl up into a smile and I give him an answering wink in return. This causes his eyes to darken and I hear a low sound escape his throat almost like a growl. It sends a current through my body and all I am aware of is that I need more.

I should feel nervous when he lifts my shirt over my head, and unclasps my bra, but I don't. Instead I hear my voice begging him to touch me, he doesn't hesitate.

Gently Haymitch palms my breasts with one hand, carefully rolling my nipples in his fingers. My head falls back in pleasure, exposing my neck to him. He leans in and leaves a wet trail of kisses from my jaw down to my collarbone. I squeeze my legs tighter around him and feel the outline of his manhood pressing against my centre.

"Haymitch…" I whimper breathlessly.

I feel him smile against my neck. Soon I can't take it and I'm pulling his lips up to meet mine again, it's rougher this time, hungry even.

Never in my life have I felt like this, never have I wanted another person the way I want Haymitch. The thought almost surprises me, almost. Because thinking about it now, Haymitch and I have always had a connection, a bond that is now intensified since he is the only person that really understands me.

This alone causes another spark to run through me because in this moment he isn't twice my age, isn't my mentor, isn't anything accept a man and I want him.

Our lips don't part but I release my legs from around him and lower my feet to the ground. Instantly my hands start unbuttoning his shirt. I hear him groan and I nip his bottom lip, tugging on it with my teeth.

When the shirt is discarded I run my hands along the length of his chest. Soft, but still muscular, completely void of any hair, the capital must've had it removed causing his skin to feel silky under my fingers.

Haymitch starts to move backwards, pulling me with him until I feel us both tumble onto the bed. My legs are straddling his hips and as our lips part I look down into his eyes which are a dark shade of grey, almost the same colour as coal.

I take a moment to appreciate his rugged handsomeness, the defined line of his jaw and slight curve of his lips. Softly his brushes a strand of hair from my face before cupping my cheek. I turn my head slightly and give the palm of his hand a light kiss before finding his lips again.

I feel him grow harder against me, which causes me to whimper into his mouth. Deciding that I've wasted enough time I move off of his body and unbuckle his pants. I quickly pull them off but before I can removed his underwear he flips up over so my back is against the mattress.

Strong hands find the button on my jeans, popping it open easily before pulling the fabric off, discarding it to the floor. He looks over my body and I can see the desire in his eyes, but it is more than just lust, it's respect and adoration.

Carefully he stands up and removes his underwear, and I gasp at the sight of him.

Wetness floods into my centre as I stare at his erection, hard and pulsing, the tip swollen and dotted with his essence.

As I admire him, he tugs at my panties, dragging them down my smooth legs. When I am completely nude and exposed to him I hear his deep, breathy voice.

"You are beautiful Katniss. So beautiful."

I blush at his words but reach out for his hand pulling him down on top of me.

He kisses me again, harder this time causing me to moan into his mouth. I feel him caressing every inch of my body and when he slips his fingers in between my wet folds I gasp.

Delicately he begins to rub tiny circles into my flesh, my whole body tingles and desire floods through my veins. What I'm feeling now doesn't even come close to my perception of what I thought this pleasure would feel like.

As he takes me higher into bliss I'm overcome with longing to do the same for him. Cautiously I reach down and grip his length. Haymitch groans loudly and it spurs me on. I use my thumb to gather his essence which makes it easy for me to find a rhythm as I stroke him.

For a second I doubt my actions but when I hear him encouraging me to go faster, I know I'm doing it right.

We stay together, circling and pumping, until I cannot wait any longer.

"Haymitch, please, I need you."

My voice sounds desperate so I decide to try again, this time aiming for more sex appeal.

"I want to feel you, I need you inside of me."

This time my voice is raspy and much more confident. I feel a shiver run down his spine but he pulls his hand away.

"Are you positive sweetheart?"

His voice is so soft, it nearly chokes me up. So I just nod.

"It's going to hurt, but I will be as gentle as I can. If you need me to stop, just say so. Okay?"

I nod again before letting go of his shaft.

He maneuvers his body so that both of his legs are in between my spread ones, our hips only inches apart. Slowly he guides himself to my entrance and I tense up.

"Relax sweetheart…" His words give me the courage to let go.

This time without hesitating I reach down and find his length, guiding it so the tip is inside of me.

At first I feel nothing but bliss, however when he starts to push into me I feel searing pain, like I'm being stretched and ripped from the inside.

"Haymitch…"

He understands immediately and stops, letting me adjust while his distracts me with his lips.

After a minute or so the pain eases breaking way to pleasure and I urge him to continue. Easing his way in until he fills me completely; I sigh at the feeling. Carefully he begins to pump his hips, withdrawing himself before pushing back in. I start to feel the fire from earlier, the desperate need for him and I urge him to go faster.

"Please, faster."

I cry out in pleasure and his moans match my own. We build a rhythm, slow and steady at first, but eventually he listens to my pleas and moves faster.

"Kattnisss…"

He breathes my name into my ear and it's the sweetest sound I've ever heard.

I answer by wrapping my legs around his hips, pulling him even deeper.

Our moans get louder and louder and I'm sure everyone on the train can hear us, but for the moment I don't care.

I feel my climax coming and it only takes a few more thrusts before I'm tumbling over the edge crying his name.

Seconds later he follows shooting hot seed deep into my centre. We ride out our climaxes together and it's pure bliss.

I feel Haymitch slump against me but he doesn't pull out, which I'm grateful for, I'd be content to just be here with him forever.

We stay curled up together for as long as we can until a knock at the door reminds us we will be arriving home in half an hour.

I sigh and hug Haymitch tighter. He chuckles before leaning down to kiss me. When he pulls away I smile before speaking.

"Thank you Haymitch that was perfect."

"Katniss you're fiery, feisty, rude, arrogant and difficult, but to me that's why it was perfect, because you're perfect."

His sudden revelation and romantic words take me by surprise but somehow I realize that this is the real Haymitch, not the sullen drunk he parades around as for the cameras.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later I move to stand at the window by the dining table, watching the world outside flash by, thinking about my perfect afternoon with Haymitch. But as I stand there I can't stop the terrifying thoughts that creep into my head.

I'm startled when I feel a hand on my shoulder, when I turn around to see Peeta my heart drops, he smiles but I do not return the gesture, instead I turn back to the windows.

"What's wrong Katniss?"

I sigh.

"It's the Capitol. They didn't like our stunt with the berries," I blurt out.

"What? What are you talking about?" he says.

"It seemed too rebellious. So, Haymitch has been coaching me through the last few days. So I didn't make it worse," I say, trying to hide the smile in my voice at the thought of Haymitch.

"Coaching you? But not me," says Peeta sounding irritated.

"He knew you were smart enough to get it right," I say.

"I didn't know there was anything to get right," says Peeta. "So, what you're saying is, these last few days and then I guess . . . back in the arena . . . that was just some strategy you two worked out?"

"No. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him in the arena, could I?" I stammer, trying not to upset Peeta anymore than he already is.

"But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn't you?" says Peeta. I bite my lip.

"Katniss?"

My eyes fall to the floor, feeling ashamed.

"It was all for the Games," Peeta says.

"Peeta it isn't like that… it's just…" he cuts me off.

"So what then Katniss, tell me, because I don't know what to say to you right now," he says, his voice both sad and angry.

"I don't know Peeta, I just need time, things are complicated."

"Well, let me know when you work it out."

When he walks away I feel my heart break a little because I never wanted to hurt him. But I know that after last night with Haymitch I never want to be with anyone else, he is everything I need, surely, sarcastic, broken Haymitch. He is what sparks the fire inside of me, the reason that I am Katniss, the girl who was on fire.

I sigh as I see the run down station of District 12 approaching in the distance because I know this isn't going to be easy. Peeta hates me, the Capital people want me to be in love with him, the Game makers want me dead, and I just want to be with Haymitch.

I shake myself from all the negative thoughts because I can't make myself care. All I can do is think of what my life could be like with Haymitch.


End file.
